Discernment

 2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.  

    This has been my verse of the week.  It was a much needed verse for this week!  2023 has ended up to be a year of pivoting!  We have had plans change.  We have had shifts happening.  We have had new things transpire.  A new normal forming.  

    Self doubt crept in with those changes.  As Christians, we have the power and love to battle this with discernment.  With Sound Judgment.  

    What does that look like though....

    When we know and believe Psalm 23 that the Lord is my shepherd, then we look to Him for guidance.  For Him to continually lead us.  And we will heed to His leading.  We pray for discernment to know His voice over all others.  We can praise Him for the mighty and good shepherd that He is.  And we will dig in and know Him more.  

    I grew up on a farm where sheep are just one of the many animals we had.  The sheep know my father.  He guides them.  They know his walk.  They know the schedule he keeps.  They know his voice.  If I were to attempt to impersonate him, they would barely give me a sideways glance.  Why?  Because the sheep know my father. 

    This week my discernment was activated.  On Tuesday, after three years of homeschool, my son returned to public school.  It had been on my heart and a concern within my soul that homeschool was no longer the best place for him to grow and challenge himself.  God had been telling me that our season was over.  It took him several more months after me to agree to this change and let me enroll him into junior high; but we found ourselves there this past Tuesday.  Mid-Term.  Junior High.  New School.  1 in 900 students.  A 2-story building.  6 teachers instead of one.  

    To say that day one didn't go well would be stating it nicely.  What started out as a brave, yet anxious, little guy turned into an emotional and fearful little boy.  The day was overwhelming for him.   When he arrived home after school, he was wrecked.  It was too much.  He wasn't smart enough.  He had no friends.  He wasn't prepared for class.  He was uncomfortable.  He felt socially rejected.  He only saw failure.  He already felt behind in everything.  

    My mom heart broke....I soon took on those same feelings of overwhelm.  Strong emotions of fear and doubt.  Layered in tears and failure.  It was too much.  He wasn't smart enough because I hadn't done enough.  He has no friends because we spent three years "unsocializing".  Everyone was right when they told me it was the wrong thing to do.  I should have prepared him for class.  He is failing and behind because I wasn't a good enough teacher for him.  I kept him out too long.  

    The negative talk just kept flowing.  

    I was broken.  And in my brokenness, I was letting self doubt and fear take over me.  Through processing these emotions within myself, with others, and with God, I felt discernment settle in.  I could feel God telling me to stop and listen to Him.  Those broken feelings, those negative words towards myself, those strong emotions were a spirit of fear.  Fear I had messed up.  Fear for my child.  Fear for his future.  

    BUT...

    God gives us a spirit of power, love, and sound judgement.  

    Standing on this verse.  Knowing my God and who He is.  Knowing His Truth.  Knowing Who I am because of Whose I am.  

    I was able to discern the voice of God and in turn speak it clearly to my son as I woke him up for Day two and he in turn was able to face the day knowing God was with him.  I was able to confidently tell him to be strong and be courageous because God was with him.  I reminisced with him about his kindergarten self.  (That's a story for another day.)  It had also been a hard transition.  An uncomfortable pivot.  It also broke my heart.  But we remembered his verse Joshua 1:9.  We could stand on the past with a promise from God to do so again now.  We remembered God.  And God's voice was heard by both of us.  That's God-given discernment.  

    Day two was much better than day one.  He was empowered.  He felt loved.  He was seen and heard.  Supported.  He has a God who can take the painful yesterdays and turn em into beautiful tomorrows.  We just have to seek His voice amongst all the other voices pounding in our head and overwhelming our soul.  And stand on the redemption and blessing we have seen and experienced in the past.  God has a plan beyond what we can see on day one.